Michael Jackson's Toilet

At first I thought it was because I'm getting old, but then it occurred to me that I've always been like this. I misunderstand things. By things I mean lyrics, people in noisy settings and British actors on BBC sitcoms.

As to the latter, I'm convinced the Brits produce sitcoms specially for the U.S. market, in which every fifth word is replaced by a jabberwocky-inspired nonsense word and then they laugh at us for laughing at it and pretending we understood. Charming though they may be, I think the Brits never forgave us for high-tailing it out of there before the Revolution. If we could have understood you, we might have stayed! Lousy, stinkin' Brits.

But it's lyrics that trip me up the most. When singing along with my kids to bebop, hip hop and in some cases, pig slop playing on the radio, I hardly ever get things right. There's a song which alludes to Michael Jackson's Thriller which for the longest time I sang as Michael Jackson's toilet - and wondered why.

There's also a song in which the singer ponders why her lover is her clarity, which for months on end I sang as therapy - and didn't wonder why because therapy makes just as much bloody sense as clarity. Lousy, stinkin' singers.

And it wasn't until recently, when I read it online, that I fully understood a Jimi Hendrix lyric from Purple Haze, "Excuse me while I kiss the sky." From the first time I ever heard it until I read the actual lyric, I thought it said, "Excuse me while I kiss this guy."

Then there's the Elton John standard, Daniel. One line in the chorus actually says, "Daniel you're a star in the face of the sky." Until a few years ago I thought it was, "Daniel you're a star in a faithful disguise." Even though I knew it didn't make any sense, I was too lazy to Google it, so I don't mind owning that one. But I think anyone could have been confused by the others. 

As I say all the time, the nut doesn't fall far from the tree. When my daughter was about three and sang You Are My Sunshine, she would invariably warble, "You make me happy when skies are grape." Maybe there's a genetic component.

And really, it's a little like the old saws (that's old sayings for those of you under a hundred) that baffled me for years because I was misunderstanding them. Take for instance: He who laughs last, laughs best. I always thought it was he who laughs last, laughs last. Well of course he does; it's obvious that he does. 

Lousy, stinkin' old saw sayers.