Sunday, December 18, 2016

Even When He's Not Here, He's Here

You remember the ex, right? Michael? The one who visited last weekend and dressed up like a pimp? The one from whose visit I'm still recovering? 
Virtual ex-husband, Michael waving hello and calling me 
a dum- dum, probably from my own virtual window. 

Now, it seems he's discovered an app called Bitmoji which allows him to create an avatar of himself to place in a variety of memes and messages - or, in Michael's case, to annoy former spouses. Pictured here is the one he sent me last night. 

Notice that Michael's avatar is either leaning in through or out of a window. I'm not an expert on window construction so while I'm sure he could be leaning in, I'm not as sure he could be leaning out. 

If he's leaning out the window, it could be that Michael is inside a place where he's actually allowed (although there are damned few of those these days) and is calling out that charming greeting.

If, on the other hand, he is leaning in through the window, it's likely the window is mine, and with no sense of propriety, boundaries, or personal space, Michael is barging in with his big shaved head to wave and call me a dum-dum. 

I was aghast to learn "dum-dum" is an acceptable alternate spelling of "dumb-dumb." At first I thought it was because too many people were too dumb to spell dumb-dumb. Then I learned that it might have come into use thanks to candy company sales manager, I.C. Bahr. 

In 1924 Bahr worked for the Akron Candy Company and named its new lollipops Dum-Dums, figuring dum-dums was a word "any child could say," but he, apparently, could not spell. The correlation to Michael and a whole lot of bad jokes is just too easy, so I'll let it go. But get this: Even "hiya" can be written correctly as one word. Iaskya, what is the world coming to?

But I digress . . .

I doubt that whoever dreamed up Bitmoji - by which Michael will be enthralled until the next new thing comes along - thought the app would be used to shove a user's virtual head through his ex-wife's virtual window, but Michael always was creative in that way . . . 

. . . for a dumb-dumb.